RANDOM MUSINGS ON...WELL...THE WORLD!

            The trip has been over for nearly a week. It remains in our souls and probably will forever. With that said, though, I have some random observations -- really inquiries -- on the rest of the world I'd like to share. I'm speaking in the first person, but Casey shares these inquiries. Feel free to view the questions as rhetorical, if you wish, but I'd really love answers:

            1.         Why doesn't the rest of the world know how to cook scrambled eggs and bacon? This is perhaps the greatest mystery of the trip. Scrambled eggs should be solid, not liquid. Bacon should be brown and crisp, not warm and raw. Do Americans just have a different palette? Or are eggs and bacon a uniquely American dish that the rest of the world doesn't really care to cook properly? Everywhere we went in Europe and Asia, the eggs were runny and the bacon was raw. I understand that raw food has long been a delicacy elsewhere -- fish in Japan and steak tartare in France. But, folks, chicken ova and pork fat should not be treated like sushi!

            This isn't a matter of not knowing how to cook the products. At the Grand Hyatt Shanghai, for instance, they had two vats of bacon -- one loaded with gross, raw bacon and one containing bacon that was so crisp, it broke into pieces with just a smile. Why serve the former? At the Caravelle in Ho Chi Minh City, I asked the lady at the omelet station to make a couple of scrambled eggs. She pointed out that there were scrambled eggs on the buffet line. I denied that outrageous claim, pointing out that the bowl in question was filled with liquid chicken embryo. I wanted SCRAMBLED EGGS. Given the communication barrier, I asked her to make me an omelet, only with nothing in it and with constant stirring rather than a single flip. She made perfect scrambled eggs. It can be done, world. No matter what you think of America and Americans, please heed this simple advice: COOK SCRAMBLED EGGS AND BACON THOROUGHLY! This could be one of those unique acts that improve international relations.

            2.         Why is the rest of the world so much more relaxed, possessing such a better outlook on life? My word, Americans are uptight. Just spending a few days anywhere else makes that clear. People in Europe and Asia work for a living; they don't live to work. American lives are so often centered around our jobs. We work our rear ends off, taking a holiday if and when time permits. People elsewhere live life, demanding holidays. They work in a manner consistent with their lives. Their lifestyles dictate their work, not the other way around. Life is short. (And at 51 years of age, it seems to be getting shorter and shorter for me.) Why do Americans spend their entire lives working and stressing out, only to pass away with a tidy bank account that their descendants then use to build a career so they can work and work and also die with money? Why don't we live to the fullest during this very short time we have, even if it means we can't buy the best glass of chardonnay on the menu?

            I've traveled in the U.S. to places where people give up promising professional careers and join the service industry just to live there (like Laguna Beach and even Austin, Texas). That is especially common in Europe. In Amsterdam, we met Americans who had lucrative jobs in the "States," but gave up those jobs to move to Amsterdam to relax and enjoy life. And how much more relaxed can one be than to sit in a coffee shop and sip a cappuccino while smoking hash? It really is a completely different world.

            3.         The history is elsewhere. When you're viewing ancient temples in Siem Reap or Kathmandu -- temples constructed countless centuries ago -- you realize that the Liberty Bell and Mount Rushmore, while lovely, don't reflect a lot of history. It's sometimes easy to lose sight of the fact that America has existed only a few hundred years whereas the remnants of tradition in other nations reflect many hundreds of years. We all need to put our ethnocentricity aside and recognize that there are generations that existed before anyone even contemplated an "America." And those folks built beautiful, wonderful things we all need to see. When I heard someone on this trip say, "This temple was constructed in the 1600s," all I could think is that we had the Puritans back then, so maybe we have some equally old stockades we can show off. Somehow, stockades don't seem to compare to walls reflecting every sexual intercourse position of the Kama Sutra (Nepal).

            4.         How can we rid ourselves of political deadlock? Kathmandu, Nepal is one of the most beautiful places we visited. In fact, it is a stunningly gorgeous place and the first one to which I will return in the future. Yet, the city -- and country -- is dirt poor. How can this be? They have some of the most important tourist attractions in the world. Mount Everest is there, for pete's sake. Bill Chalmers told me that Nepal suffers from the same kind of political gridlock that plagues America. Two political factions that are far apart on what is best for the country. The result is that no one can feel confident investing in the nation. What a shame!

            By the way, stepping away from Nepal for a moment, will we ever reach the point where we realize the utter nonsense of religion (which perhaps once served a purpose in placating the masses and did give us lots of pretty stuff, but has truly lost its utility)? Will we ever allow people to advance beyond mysticism so they can be fed and treated with respect? I was an unabashed atheist before this trip and what the trip did was to confirm that my atheism, philosophically based, has tremendous pragmatic grounds as well. If we can ever get rid of all this ridiculous religious regimen, we might actually be able to do something meaningful for people around the world and end a lot of social problems. (Of course, the god described in the Judeo-Christian book may not like that, since he seems to thrive on conflict and misery, but I digress.)

            Nepal is a nation filled with beauty, history and amazing natural phenomenon, and I will be back. What a shame I'll be paying the same hotel rates I might pay in Bessemer, Alabama at the Regal 8 to visit one of the greatest places on earth. The people of Nepal deserve better.

            5.         Wonderful people are everywhere. I'll be honest with you. My biggest fear on this trip is that Casey and I would not be treated with respect because we're Americans. Since George W. Bush invaded Iraq without provocation, and we became known as the "preemptive strike" nation, I have worried about traveling abroad. A few years ago, I was treated with abject disrespect in London simply because I am from America. The trip occurred right after the revelation that our basis for invading Iraq was utter nonsense. I understandably worried that I would be treated the same this go-around. But nothing like that happened here. No one even gave a hint of looking down at us because we're Americans. Forgive me if you're a right-winger, but I have to believe that the election of a minority as President -- the election of a man who descended from people who were slaves not long ago in our nation to the highest office of the nation -- changed perceptions from the Bush (i.e., entrenched political family) era. I won't get political here (you all know I'm as liberal as McGovern) but I do believe America has re-established herself as a nation the rest of the world likes. We went from most respected (pre-Bush) to least respected (post-Bush invasion of Iraq) to most respected (election of Obama) status. As simplistic as that may sound, I believe it. In any event, we did not perceive or detect one iota of anti-Americanism during this trip in a single one of the numerous countries we visited. (Yet, 10 years ago, I was treated with nothing but abject disrespect when traveling abroad, to the point the I just started lying that I am from Canada).

            Times have a'changed. And for the better. America is on a better path. And so is the rest of the world. I look forward to exploring both even more in the future. Thank you, Bill and Pamela, for setting us on the right course. I hope you'll allow me to be a part of any future trips.

TORONTO: NIAGARA FALLS, ANOTHER DAY: I'M FEELING MORE NOSTALGIC THAN ROMANTIC ANYWAY and SOME FINAL, RANDOM MUSINGS

     

            The greatest experience of our lives -- the whirlwind tour of the world -- is coming to an end. From Amsterdam, we flew to Oslo, Norway. By the way, in case you don't know, Norway is expensive. Really expensive. We were able to secure two "economy airline" (Norwegian Air) tickets to Oslo on Thursday night, May 2nd for under $250 collectively. We were then promptly charged more than that for the cab ride to the hotel. Granted, the cab driver gouged us big time. We were charged only a third of that for the ride back. But still, $80 for a cab ride to and from an airport....

            We arrived in Oslo late because we wanted to maximize our time in Amsterdam. I am somewhat disappointed. I heard from the other competitors that Oslo is lovely. The hotel alone warranted a few more hours of stay. It is called "The Thief" and is a beautiful boutique hotel, right on the water, situated between office buildings (on canals) and cruise ships (on the ocean). The breakfast buffet we had the day after our arrival (and the morning we left) was outstanding. It's hard to beat an eggs benedict station (with copious amounts of hollandaise sauce on the side). But where else would you get pork belly cold cuts and meat loaf pate for breakfast? Yum! (I just hope my friend Sherry Hall isn't reading this.) Several of us have commented that while we had hoped the exercise associated with walking everywhere would have helped our figures, the incredible breakfast buffets, which we have experienced at every stop, flipped that expectation entirely. I know that Bill Chalmers and his wonderful wife, Pamela, the event directors, were always concerned that we got enough to eat, especially when we ventured into areas not know for their fabled cuisine. Well, they made sure of that, all right.

            In all seriousness, I could have made a lovely vacation out of this trek without ever leaving our hotels. Our designations have been Shanghai, China, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, Phenom Penh, Cambodia, Siem Reap, Cambodia, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Kathmandu, Nepal, Doha, Qatar, Frankfurt, Germany, Amsterdam, Netherlands (for us; for others, Hamburg, Copenhagen and Stockholm instead), Oslo Norway and Toronto, Canada (with a brief stop by airplane through Reyjavik, Iceland--so we could say we've been there, too). The hotels at each stop, with the exception of perhaps two that, while nice, were uneventful, could have provided sufficient entertainment for the duration of the stay in each locale.

            We met this morning at the hotel in Toronto (a Westin which, while Westins are always wonderful, seems a bit pedestrian given all the superb places we've stayed) at 8 a.m. to go over the last day's scavenges. Casey and I haven't been competitive since Shanghai so we weren't concerned about the severity of the challenges. We ultimately planned a helicopter ride by Niagara Falls but some logistical problems with the carrier meant we couldn't accomplish this before our last group meeting this evening. (Believe me, we've been excited so many times this trip, and are so exhausted, the slight wasn't substantial.) I've spent a bit of time here before so I planned lunch with some dear friends I haven't seen in years. And Casey is doing at this moment what he has tried to do (and generally successfully done) in every city -- obtain yet another tattoo. We will meet the group at 4:30 p.m. for a final evaluation. Two of the duos are literally tied for first place. What they accomplish in the few hours we remain in Toronto will dictate who wins (and thus has a free ride in the trip next year, if Bill and Pamela host the trip, which I sincerely hope they will--after many years of these events, involving different cities and undoubtedly countless hours of planning every time--I'm sure you can appreciate how exhausted they are--my fingers are crossed).

            Each of the duos has gone their separate ways for the "scavenges" (with the exception of the Littlepage entourage which has probably spent more time together than any of them are particularly pleased about), so I can't honestly say I've developed new friendships here. But in the brief meetings we've had between venues and for the occasional group dinners and photos, I must say I have grown fond of all of them -- not a single exception (except, of course, Casey on occasion). I wish them all well in their endeavors. And I genuinely hope to see them again -- perhaps somewhere new in the world to begin yet another of these adventures next year. There is a sheet for the recording of e-mail addresses being passed around today. Of course, we'll all fill it out. And, of course, none of us will contact any of the others. And if we do meet again next year, the hugs will fly with no one venturing an explanation as to why the e-mail sheet was ignored. This was the adventure of a lifetime, shared among extraordinary people, who made an impression on each other for a brief period, and who will now go back to the lives they escaped for a fleeting moment.

[Note: Over the coming days, I'll provide some anecdotes about the trip and the places, for those who have yet to doze off.]

IT'S OFF THE BEATEN PATH, BUT... AMSTERDAM REMAINS MY FAVORITE

            Casey and I haven't been competitive since the first leg of the scavenger hunt. In fact, in Qatar, we separated so Casey could do his water sports (meant literally, by the way) which I'm not into (literally or figuratively). So, on this leg of the trip, we departed from the itinerary. While the rest of the group have been performing scavenges in Germany, Denmark, Sweden and Norway, in a whirlwind of activity, we took it easy and came to Amsterdam. Queen's Day was the very day after we received instructions for the (semi) final leg of the trip. And on this Queen's Day, the reigning monarch for over 30 years was abdicating the throne. Imagine the party! We couldn't resist.

            I have never been to Mardi Gras in Sydney so I can't compare Queen's Day to that event. But I have been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Queen's Day in Amsterdam makes Mardi Gras in New Orleans look like a toddler's birthday celebration at Chucky Cheese. This was the outdoor party of our lives. Hundreds of thousands of people converged on the streets, drinking, dancing, chatting, cavorting....DJs blasting disco, new wave, techno everywhere. Literally, no matter what square to which you traveled, there was a party, and a giant party. Street vendors couldn't keep the beer flowing fast enough. Dancing in the streets is an understatement. People were doing everything but the nasty in the streets. And no segregation. There wasn't a straight area, a gay area, an Anglo area, a....Everyone was together. Straight couples dancing next to gay couples, Anglos next to Africans, Arabs, Asians, etc. No race separation; no orientation separation. No differences at all. John Lennon was smiling at us from above. (And make no mistake: gays aren't a small minority here. In fact, "Queen's Day" should be renamed "Million Queens' Day.")

            I hadn't been to Amsterdam in 17 years. I loved it then. How could I let so much time pass before I returned? Well, the hormone therapy litigation explains much of that. In any event, I will be back...and, maybe, for good. (Casey is already prepared to move.) The people are so wonderful, laid back, relaxed and friendly. And every street is like Sixth Street in Austin. Party central. Who could ask for more?

            Well, I could -- from Rijksmuseum. We went yesterday. Make no mistake: it is one of the loveliest museums in the world. Amsterdam's contributions to the world of art are not to be mistaken. But, please! Get over yourself, Rijks! We waited nearly 2 1/2 hours just to get into the museum. Then, we were told that, without advance purchase, we would wait another hour to get tickets. Fortunately, the Dutch are the most accommodating people -- even more so than Asians (sorry--there's my stereotyping again). A lady at the front desk allowed us to order tickets via smart phone and have them printed at the information desk when Casey's smart phone wouldn't allow us access -- how is that for customer service? But the fact that we had to wait over two hours just to get to the information desk led me to wonder whether Rijksmuseum is run by the same people who run Disneyland. The fact that you hold key treasures of the world doesn't mean you should treat people like they're seeking a twirl on Space Mountain.

            We're about to leave this oasis of the planet. Our flight isn't until late tonight. I have tried to convince Casey that the Amsterdam airport is one of the great wonders of the world, but he's skeptical. I plan for us to have at least five or six hours there to play. Next stop: Oslo. Then, we fly to Iceland (I think, only for a layover), then Toronto. Home by Sunday night. I miss my babies! (that is, my dogs--Fiyero and Gizmo). This trip has been the event of our lives. And with that said, we're ready to sleep at home!

            Thank you, so very, very much, Bill and Pamela! You have "blessed" us more than you will ever know! In all sincerity, you're responsible for changing our lives.