[Breaking news: We just arrived at Kathmandu, Nepal. Quite a difference
from the rest of the areas. More on that in next entry.]
(Kuala Lumpur,
Malaysia)
We first
reported that Shanghai puts Manhattan to shame in terms of skylines. We then
noted that the service and friendliness of the Asian people we have encountered
surpass that of many Americans we have encountered (note the sleight of hand
with the insertion of "we have encountered" so we can't be accused of
stereotyping). We can now report that the United States one ups Asia on at
least one thing -- gambling. (What a claim to fame, huh? Well, if you're addicts
like us, actually it's a big deal.) Don't get me wrong: I know the scorecard is
not so one-sided in Asia's favor. We're speaking of a several-day evaluation of
tourist attractions during a vacation. But it's good to know that the good ole
U.S. of A. remains supreme in at least one area of forbidden decadence.
The update:
we spent the last two nights in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia where we had one day of
scavenges. We are en route to Kathmandu, Nepal where we will have landed by the
time this has been posted. The next day, we're off to Meridian, Mississippi
then Cullman, Alabama. (Ignore the last sentence. I'm reserving judgment as to
whether it's a double entrendre.) I know nothing about Kathmandu except that
it's the subject of a song I now can't get out of my mind, despite my best
efforts. Or is that "Cat Scratch Fever" in my head? Oh well,
toe-mae-toe, toe-mah-toe. As my friend, Lee Polk is wont to remark, I am the
ultimate Philistine. I know culture only if it comes in a glass and art if it
tastes good. And you know Casey ain't any more artistic. Perhaps that explains
why we're not so prolific with the scavenges.
Kuala
Lumpur is another massive, seemingly well-off Asian city that has become
extraordinarily Westernized. Perhaps there is a bit of ethnocentrism in
suggesting that big buildings, Starbucks, KFCs and McDonalds reflect Westernization,
but so be it. I cringe to think that there are people all over the world who
truly believe the Colonel and the Golden Arches are the essence of American
cuisine. Sadly, those in other lands not only associate American cooking with
fast food but with the worst fast food we have to offer. Would that one could
at least find a Popeye's or In-and-Out Burger in the Far East. But I digress.
Kuala
Lumpur is purportedly a Muslim city, but I would never have known that had someone
not told me in advance. I saw but a smattering of women in Muslim attire (and
none sporting beekeeper uniforms). By contrast, many women don shorts, make-up
and uncomfortable footwear. Lady Clairol is obviously sold in myriad tints.
Women hold virtually every service position as do men and congregate with men
in all public places (except perhaps certain of the "happy ending massage"
parlors, but I digress yet again).
We eschewed
the temples and went straight for the casino -- save for a brief stop at the
Jade Museum where they have more jade than Doan's has pills. I contemplated the
million dollar giant jade Buddha for our front lawn but (a) I doubt I could
secure financing of the $999,000 I'd need to pull off the deal, and (b) I
suspect my neighbors, who have heretofore been opposed to a homeowners
association, might suddenly see the merits in establishing one. It's all just
as well, for there is room for only one obese, puffy-faced, ancient man on Pony
Chase road. I did buy a lovely jade necklace for my mother.
Back to the
Genting Casino -- the largest in Asia. The hour-long-plus drive there was
stunning. Beautiful mountains, hills and valleys. So reminiscent of Bali (the
only place in Asia that Casey or I had previously visited). The natural scenery
was worth the lengthy drive. And thank goodness, because the casino was not.
Being the only legal casino in the area, it has a lot to learn from Vegas (or even
much tackier Atlantic City). It is certainly the size of a Vegas resort -- and
actually quite bigger -- but the similarity ends there. The facility is old,
worn down, dirty (with standing "water" in the bathrooms, some of
which featured the infamous "porcelain-lined hole in the ground"
commodes) and overcrowded with tourists. There was nothing elegant or unique
about the place. (For goodness sake, they could at least have installed a bit
of neon. Pastel colors are big out here. Why not reduce them to bright lights?)
Frankly, it was a giant mall of rude shoppers.
And get
these two facts: First, you can't drink anywhere in the casino area, including
the restaurants! Not the best of business planning for a company that
presumably wants to maximize the irrational bets that generally flow from
booze. Whoever runs Genting needs to have an aperitif with Steve Wynn. Granted,
given the sheer number of K-Mart blue light shoppers removed from their element
and sitting at casino tables until their Liz Claiborne stretch slacks reach
their breaking point, the casino is undoubtedly making a lot of money. But it
could make so much more and have a clientele that isn't the riff-raff you
willingly pay outlandish discotheque cover charges to avoid encountering.
Second, several of our group were turned away because they were wearing shorts.
Their attire wasn't deemed proper. Yet, the outfits of those permitted entry
resembled what remained at the bottom of the blue light bin after all the
serious shoppers had left. The only person the casino needs to admit in uniform
is Josephine the Plumber.
Casey and I
wanted to play blackjack which was one of the games in the IR (International
Room). But we had to be VIP members to enter that room and the casino required
passports before it would even allow us to apply for membership. Of course, we
didn't have our passports with us, so we were relegated to playing pontoon, the
Asian version of blackjack. Foolishly, we failed to inquire as to the
differences in rules. At one point, on a hand on which he'd bet a lot, Casey
double-downed on an ace and a seven with the dealer showing a six. Quite a
smart move in blackjack. Casey then drew a three, and we thought he had the
hand won -- only to find out that, in pontoon, an ace counts only as one and
not 11 on a double down. What a stupid rule that makes the game far less
interesting.
I got bored
with the whole affair in short order. Gambling at a table in a giant mall-like
structure with people who look like they just spent the last three hours of
their lives in the clearance section of JC Penney is not my idea of a grand
time. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and night was rapidly approaching, so I
ate at an Indian restaurant outside the casino but still within the
never-ending bourgeoisie complex. The meal was actually rather good. I'm
developing a newfound taste for Indian food. Granted, it will likely come in
handy only when I'm traveling within the U.S. and need take-out after 10, but
it beats Domino's pizza.
Make no
mistake: overall, Kuala Lumpur was magnificent. I'm just thrilled to find a
flaw in our Asian trip that I can exploit for my American friends.
I'm finishing
this while sitting at the pool bar at the Hotel Shanker in Kathmandu, Nepal.
(While the crazed lunatic competitors with whom we're traveling -- who are
charming, fascinating and utterly lovable despite their insanity -- are out and
about performing every scavenge they can complete before it becomes pitch black
and their feet blister -- whichever comes last), I chickened out of a jaunt
through town with the exception of a cab ride to a nice restaurant this evening,
because it's been raining off and on and thunderstorms are in the forecast --
circumstances the others relish because they know the conditions may slow down
their rivals -- needless to say, I'm ribbing my new friends). I already know
I'll have lots to share about this place, where we'll be for the next two days,
but this entry is already too long. Suffice it to say (cryptically) for now,
Casey and I won't have to worry about failing to meet any superficial VIP
standards in this undoubtedly charming land.